A la Ultima

how long has it been???

2012-02-04T09:34:00.000-08:00

I think I will write something...just to write something.

There are just too many things I need to take care of....

I just need time to stop for a second so I can gather my thoughts, make some plans, organize myself and actually do something i can be proud of.

But in a way I am not too worried because I am really blessed in the areas of my life that matter most to me.

My family:

Evan is doing great in school, he's doing great in the military.... he got some work to be in a movie ( the new superman movie) as a US navy officer and he got paid a good chunk.

He just started teaching as a Seminary teacher. So he's super busy...and tired!

My kids are doing great in school. Carmen is participating in a talent show at her school.

She is such a clever girl. Her mind is so out of this world. She doesn't seem to stop to amaze me.

Evan is making lots of friends. I can't believe how fast he's learning to read! He's even started to write!

He now reads a whole verse of the scriptures on his own in Spanish!!

I am so happy that we have been perfect at reading the scriptures every morning together for a few months in a row now... I am excited! We have been working on memorizing scriptures for primary. Carmen's memory is amazing!

Isabel is talking more and more. She seems to be more "out there" now. She is now in primary and I think she's getting used to a class setting better now. So I've been taking her to more groups.... and I just signed her up to a talent agency. We'll see!

Since I was called the RS president... I've been strengthened beyond understanding.

My personal study has had to improve, my faith has had to grow and my heart has had to be softened.

I am so glad my sisters have shown me love and respect and support.

I am so happy that I've seen miracles.

We'll have 3 new sisters into our RS this month. And I intend to have so many more to come.

We have set goals, we have put our trust in the Lord and we can see things happening.

It's teaching me that sisters, when they're united, they're a powerful force for good in the world!

It's an amazing feeling to be leading such a great group of women.

I find that I am at my happiest when I am serving... when I am useful... when I am doing something good.

ok... so there are many things that are working for me.......

i just need to do better with the laundry and ironing pile!!!!

my girls

2012-01-14T16:35:00.000-08:00

Carmen just asked me to paint her nails.

Isabel watched and she asked for it too...

I got jealuse, and why not do it too??

So the 3 of us...

matching nails!!!

(note my new ring! i love it.... major points for evan :D)

First Post of the Year

2012-01-14T16:30:00.000-08:00

Almost two weeks into 2012 and I decide to blog.

Christmas time was great.

I thought a little on the baby that we anticipated we would enjoy this Christmas with... and missed it a little.

It was such a busy time, though. I guess it would have been very different.

Lots of activities to get ready for, lots of work for me to do, lots of cooking, lots of outings, lots of joy, lots of family and friends staying at our house.... lots of messes to clean up.... but so worth it...every minute of it!

I really loved it!

I was so busy, and as usual, after being so stressed I got sick but I was able to enjoy the Holidays.

These are pictures of Isabel and I, getting ready for our NEW YEAR celebration.

She loves to hang out with me in the bathroom while I do my hair, put on make up.

I love her company!

She is so fun.

I love I have two very girlie girls!

My end result... I got lucky and Sarah was there to do my hair :D

And she made me those fabulous earrings :D

So happy New Year everyone!

Don't know about you, but I love new beginnings.

This year I am gonna get it right!

My Birthday...I'd tell ya!

2011-12-23T13:34:00.000-08:00

So my b-day started at 12am, yes, we were awake because Evan's parents just got back from their mission in Trinidad and Tobago!!

It was a really nice surprise!

Sarah and Kyle, and the kids were staying at our house for a couple of days and Jordan and Tracy, and the kids came to pick them up and we had a little visit at our house with everyone.

Evan surprised me with a ring!

If you didn't know he never bought me a ring.

Not an engagement ring or anything. In fact I bought our wedding bands.

I never asked him for one either.

I knew I didn't want a diamond ring.

But I had mentioned to him that I like my birthstone, the Topaz.

So he got me a blue topaz ring on a white gold ring!

So pretty.

I LOVE IT!!

I always give him a hard time about how I don;t like the things he gets me,

but this was a really nice surprise!

I love it!

It is a bit big on me, so I'll get it resized today.

So next morning, I had to get up really early and get some food orders and delivered them.

I was so early I had to help load the carts and put them in my car.

I had to drop them off and carried the boxes again... so I ended up with a HUGE back pain!

To top things I got my period!

So I was exhausted by the time I got home.

Sarah had to go to the doctor with a pink eye.

I slept while she was gone.

When she came back she gave me a haircut and she made me a cake.

It was super yummy!

It was like the deep fried cheesecake in montana's!

Really good!

Then we got ready and while I went to the spa to get my facial ( the other present from Evan!)

she got some things for tonight's pot luck at Tracy's.

The spa was fantastic!

I really loved getting a massage!

My sore body appreciated it so much!

We also stopped by Mimi McQueen to get a blouse that I fell in love with!

And then rushed home, because I had to get everyone and then I had a funeral.

Yes.... instead of going out to celebrate my b-day, I had a funeral.

And I wanted to be there.

I am glad I was there.

Everyone was at Jordan and Tracy's and it was so much fun.

I'll just say that Doug is hilarious.

I hope madelaine posts the video in facebook.

But just imagine Doug tickling himself!... I still laguh thinking about it!!!

Yes, we had the usual hockey conversation and the linguistic debate....

As always super fun. And we even had Dad this time to share all about why it is that Spain has the Theta sound.

Shoot me!

I was dead by the time we got home.

Wednesday... more shopping in preparation for the Relief Socitety Party that night.

Stress!!

Wrapping the little packages I got for the visitors that were coming, writing my testimony in the Books of Mormon I was giving out, preparing all the souvenirs we were giving out to everyone, cooking the 2 pork legs I was bringing, getting plates, cups and the rest for the dinner!!

I went picked up my two friends, picked up a present from a sister who called saying she couldn't come, and got to church just when the elders were setting the tables.

So we set up and decorated.

The sisters seemed to start arriving on time!

We had a lovely dinner!

Everyone loved the new recipe we tried out.

Pork with honey, nuts and rosemary, and grapes.

Yummy!

They sang happy birthday to me!

In English, in Mexican, in Spanish... and they even threw the "manyanitas"!

My mom used to sing it for us too when we were little :D

We had to clean up.

I had to put everything back into our closets, and some sisters helped in the kitchen.

By the time I was leaving I got the shivers and it was hard to talk cuz of my swollen tonsils.

GREAT!

Next morning... to the doctor ( that was a total jerk, by-the-way)

and got some antibiotics... hopefully they start working soon!.

The rest of the day... in bed!

I hate being sick right now.

I have to go to get an ultrasound this afternoon, so we'll get the last shopping done on our outing,

I have to get the dinner ready for tomorrow, and the trukey is marinating already for sunday.

Then Sarah and Kyle are back for New Year's... I hope I can enjoy some of the Holidays!!!!!!!

Issues... Car Issues

2011-12-10T15:54:00.000-08:00

Well.... I have issues. Car issues.

And I hate to have car issues.

But what's most annoying is my car deciding to go wrong when I am on my own, with all the kids tagging along.

First of all.

For some reason I need to be in charge of our car.

I have to get the oil changes, I have to check the tire's air pressure, I have to take it to do the air care ( and it didn't pass!!) .

I had something changed ( $200) and tried it again.

It didn't pass again!!
I .... I said I again.... had to find someone to wacth my kids while i took it to the shop to get it repaired ($600) and took a bus home.

Then again, I got someone to stay with the kids and this time my VT drove me.

I took the air care test again.... it didn't pass again, but they gave me a conditional pass.

Then I had to renew the insurance...

I am not even the primary driver!! the insurance is not in my name!!! Evan had to sign some documents!!
All this stuff with the car BUGS me!!!!!!

So... today, I am all stressed and driving off , just around the corner of my house, a FLAT TIRE!!!!!!

Again!!

Evan is working.

My neighbour ( the mecanic!) is not home. I have a spare tire, but my jack is missing one part, so i pumped the tire but couldn't put it on.

Jordan came to the rescue.

He took as to our McLean family gathering and Laura brought us back home.....

Now $180 later, I am a proud owner of BCAA and my car is now drivable.

In a few hours I have to go get Evan from work....

he'll be happy to know he just got his Christmas present!

I hate to have an unreliable old car....

I wish Santa was real.

A new car is my list.

I know he would give it to me.

I really need one.

Santa!!

I need Santa!

Especially now that my car is eating away all our money.... my kids are going to wish there was a real Santa as well.

10 Years

2011-11-29T20:54:00.000-08:00

i realized it's been 10 years since one of the most defining moments in my life.

of course i look back in wonder.

i entered this temple ( Madrid, Spain) for the first time in my life.

a moment to make sacred covenants.

a moment of learning, of immense joy and testimony.

i thought i had a testimony before, but right then, there was NO doubt in my mind.

that experience transformed me forever.

a couple of weeks later i entered this other temple (Preston, England).

that time as an ordained missionary of Jesus Christ.

WOW.

that's all i can say.

another experience that was out of this world.

it was the experience of my life.

nothing like 18 months of your life to share eternal truth to the world.

it's been 10 years.

10 years ago i was embarking in the most amazing journey.

the start of covenant making in my life.

i'll be forever grateful to my God for everything that led me to make that decision to serve Him.

it continues to be a blessing everyday of my life.

in january will be 8 years since i made the most important covenant in this other temple (Seattle, WA, USA).

this time it was marrying the love of my life and being sealed to him for all eternity.

our love, only through this covenant, is ETERNAL.

last saturday i was able to attend this other temple ( Vacouver, BC, Canada).

i feel so blessed.

we are so blessed to have temples.

we were there to perform covenants in proxy for Evan's grandma.

some of his family was there.

when we were sitting in the peace of the celestial room, i looked around.

his brother, two sisters, and his aunt and uncle were there.

his aunt heather and uncle dennis are some of the most special people i've ever met.

"you're so lucky" i whispered to him.

tears rolled down my cheek as i thought of my uncle Pablo that just passed away.

one day we'll do the work for him.

one day, i hope, i can sit with members of my family, being united to them throughout all eternitties.

that's the beauty of temples.

that's the beauty of the Savior.

that's the beauty of the restored Gospel.

i have no doubt in my mind where to find truth.

click here.

Seeing things as they can become

2011-11-21T08:01:00.000-08:00

It was primary presentation sunday!

I get as excited as the kids :D

( on a side note, can you believe I will have my 3 kids in primary in a little more than a month!!! :0 no puedorrrrrrrrrr!!!)

Carmen and Evan had been practising their phrases all week, and a few months ago we started this thing on the mornings, before scripture reading, where we practise a new hymn each week. and this month we did the songs they were performing at the presentation.
we also sang them on our drive to school each day.

so they had them down....easy, peasy, lemon squeezy.

and they did sooooo good.

i was a proud mommma.

there was a boy who recited the Joseph's Smith first vision...and it was the highlight of my day!

children are just powerful.

the presidency spoke at the end.

she encouraged us to look at the children, see what they did and see what they can become.

If only we could see them as who they really are.

I definitely have had some glimpses.

Isabel's Party

2011-11-15T11:12:00.000-08:00

My little princess... on her birthday party!

Man in Uniform

2011-11-15T10:01:00.000-08:00

Doesn't he look GORGEOUS????

3 Years Old

2011-11-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

My little Isabel is 3 years old!

She was the last one getting up, and we had Birthday pancakes!

She was all excited.

She is 3!!

Unbelievable, but true.

It has been 3 years since I saw her yes for the first time, since I met her, since I received her into my life and since she entered into my heart to stay FOREVER!

She has been a joy.

I've learned so much through her, my life has been so blessed by her presence.

I love her to pieces.

We'll be having a party tomorrow....

I can't wait to see her all happy with her friends!! :D

Lest We Forget

2011-11-11T16:47:00.000-08:00

Today is a day to remember.

To think of those who made the sacrifices and fought so we can enjoy what we have.

My hubby woke up today and dressed up to work at some of the honorary ceremonies in Vancouver.

I woke up really early too, to watch it on tv.

I cried all morning.

Peace is such a gift.

And we owe these veterans so much.

So, I will remember there are heroes out there.

I will remember.

Bad News

2011-11-02T16:51:00.000-07:00

I"ve written three sentences and erased them three to start this post.

I really don't know what it is going to come out and how, or if it will make any sense... all I know is that for the last 3 days I've been crying none stop.

I got really bad news on monday night.

Someone called at 2 in the morning. I didn't get up to answer., but they called again.

It was my mom.

My uncle Pablo had passed away minutes earlier.

I called my aunty Manuela.

Bless her heart.

She said to me: "Esther, you're not going to see uncle Pablo again"....

It broke my heart.

My dear auntie, was asking me about my babies... then she couldn't find strength to talk any more.

I just told her I loved her, and that my parents were on their way to be with her.

Oh, how much I would love to hold her and tell her everything will be ok.

Oh, how terrible it is to be far away.

This is the first time that someone so close to me has passed...

I wish you all could have met him.

He was so funny. He was always making us laugh.

He was really cheeky. It bugged my auntie sometimes, but he was so lovely even she couldn't help but melt and surrender to his charm and laugh.

He really loved my auntie.

I think that's what I'll treasure most about his memory.

He really loved his wife.

He really loved his children, and grandchildren, and us (my sisters, brother and I).

He really did.

Next time I see them things will be different.

I will miss him.

But I know I will see him again.

He hasn't disappeared. He still is.

I can't imagine what kind of despair she's going through if she thinks he is no more.

All the memories and love they shared is all lost and forgotten.

I can't imagine.

I am really sad.

I am so sad I can't be with my family right now.

It makes me really sad.

I've always dreaded this day when I will lose someone I love and I couldn't be there.... and that's what is happening right now.

It is harder than I thought.

Nothing can really prepare you for it.

I've made a busy week to see if it helps me get my mind off of this....

so far....

it's is hard.

doctor's orders

2011-10-17T12:09:00.000-07:00

thursday night i started getting the chills.

i knew what it was coming, and it didn't look good.

i spent the evening with evan and some friends at his fraternity house.

and when i got home i was shivering and burning with fever.

i couldn't get warm... and needless to say i had the most terrible night.

friday morning evan got lunches ready and drove the kids to school and even got a treat for carmen's class for her b-day.

by some miracle i got out of bed, had a shower , took isabel along and drove to the doctor.

i went to two clinics and were all booked for the day!!

i tried a third, and had to wait for 1 1/2 hours to get in.

the doctor said i might have mononucleosis... please nooo!!

so she send me to have some lab work done.

thank goodness it was empty and i had it done right away.

i picked up the kids from school and went straight to bed.

evan got back from school, mowed the lawn with our new lawnmower and packed his stuff for work this weekend.

i made some dinner and drove him to the base.

of course i would get sick and he would have to work!!

at 3am carmen gets up with a pain in her jaw, she said. i though she might be getting her molars, but when she pointed at it, i knew it was and ear infection. and she was boiling hot! GREAT!

the next day we all went to the doctor again.

way to celebrate carmen's b-day!!

this time we had to wait for 2 good hours!

i took the kids to mcdonalds....

apparently it wasn't enough to have 3 kids entertained for that long wait.

my lab results showed that i didn;t have mono, so she prescribed me some antibiotics for my tonselitis and carmen has a nasty ear infection, so she was put in antibiotics as well.

when i got to the pharmacy they said i had to wait for 45 min to get the medicine!

I wanted to cry!!!

trying to get 3 restless kids out of there was even more frustrating.... so i did cry then! we were all crying in the car for good 15 min.

serioulsy, you don't want to be sick and be in a waiting area with 3 kids for 3 hours!!!!!!! and if you do, well, then it will make you cry too!

i didn't wait for the medicine, i drove home, and the kids fell asleep on the way there.

i carried them inside and succumbed into bed. 2 hours later i woke up, called up my neighbour, asked her to watch the kids while i ran to the pharmacy.

i even had to wait for 15 min!!!!

crazy!

i got to get some groceries. load up in yoghurt and easy lunches for the kids.

sunday i got a visit from my visiting teacher, brought the kids dinner and a soup for me.

it saved my life.

at 8'30 evan called me, he needed me to go pick him up.

i couldn;t find my car keys.

i was getting more and more frustrated. i knew isabel had gotten them to play and who knows where they could be!

carmen said we could say a prayer, she did and she turned around and found them!!!

we had been over that spot all that time and hadn't seen them.

know can say God doesn't answer prayers?? they won't convinced me!!

so we got daddy :D and everyone fell asleep on the way home.

that was my weekend.

your jelause aren't you??

Thanks Giving.... Giving Thanks!

2011-10-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

Every time that it's time for a family gathering... I dread it a little.

Evan has a HUGE family!! And LOTS of kids... which makes MADNESS around the house.

I have to cook, clean, organize, to later do more cleaning, and more organizing... and you know who does all that.

ME!

(well, Tracy is always always cleaning with me).

It just means a lot of work for me... but for some reason I always get excited!

So I got my mom's recipe for turkey, and even though I only had it marinating for a day instead of three, the turkey was AMAZING!

there were mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes ( with roasted marshmallows!!), curried broccoli and cauliflower ( we were not sure if traditional Laura would have approved of this one ;P), corn, cranberry sauce, stuffing, gravy and hot, fluffy buns!

Pumpkin pie, cherry pie and ice cream for dessert.

( I didn't have any.... I never can after dinner, but don't worry, I have a pumpkin pie and an apple one I made left that I'll be having today :P).

SO I have many things I can give thanks for:

I didn't screw up turkey,

I have a big house to get family together,

and a new Clarke coming to the clan :D!!!!

(Not mine, Delanie's!!!)

I told you!!! SO many things to be grateful for!!!

Al Natural

2011-10-06T11:35:00.000-07:00

I know, I know... you hear laura is going to take some pictures of you and you might go and put some make up on...

i don't know why... maybe I just thought I would get away and just have the kids pictures done.

but i ended up getting some shoots.

she has given me these ones.

I like them.

raw.

natural.

nothing to hide.

imperfections...crazy hair and all...

that's me.

( I can't look like a model ALL the time ;P)

And that's my handsome babe :D

just as we are...

Children

2011-10-06T11:23:00.000-07:00

My children are 24/7 in my mind.

The ones I have here with me, and the ones that are still to come to my family.

When people see me with my 3 ( very handfull, at times) kids, they think I am crazy, but when I tell them I still want more, they are absolutely convinced that I am NUTS!

For some reason I can't understand, I've always had the reaction from people ( it is painful, i say painful...even more when it comes from people you love). Thank goodness I've always have felt love and excitement when announcing my pregnancies from others around me.

Last April I received unexpected news... I was pregnant.

I wasn't ready.

So I thought.

But I just can't help it.

I love to be a mother and I trust God... so I started getting excited.

But then, I had a miscarriage.

It was more devastating than I thought.

So since then I've been thinking about my circumstances.

I had to make the most difficult decision I've ever made.

The degree of difficulty increased the intensity of my prayers.

We've decided to use birth control that will stop us from having children for 5 years.

The plan is to have two more after those 5 years... although we might just wait three or four... or until we feel it is time.

There is a part of me that had some shame... and I've been dragging it for a while... until...

General Conference.

Elder Andersen

Here, LISTEN

Nobody designates the number of kids I have to have, or when to have them. That's between me and my husband and the Lord.

He is the only third party accepted in my marriage.

I have learned my lesson.

I didn't wait to have my kids, i had 3 in 4 years.... I didn't care about my career, I only cared about my calling.

I didn't care about money circumstances... I only cared about treasures in Heaven.

I believe I still care about those same things now that I am waiting to have more children.

Pte Hinckley said: “"Build solid homes. I don't care about the size, I care about the spirit."

While I don't agree it is to be used as an excuse, let God judge between you and me. And let us raise our kids as the heavenly, chosen spirits that they are.

I always think of how much I need them more than how much they need me... the truth is that I've learned more from them than what I could ever teach them.

look at them, look at them!

2011-10-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Look how beautiful they are.

(thanks to auntie laura for the photoshoot)

Watch Your Step

2011-10-03T11:16:00.000-07:00

Every year there are two things I look forward to.

One of them happened last weekend.

General Conference.

This time is the best two days, better spent hours of one's life.

I promise you there is always something in it for YOU, especially and uniquely said for you and to you.

So I invite you to hear, HERE

In between sessions I saw this video for the first time.

I felt the need to share it.

You can't give enough warnings about the destructive power of pornography.

And yet people still view it as nothing to worry about.

Like it is only a problem if you have a family, but something it is ok for single people to practice.

I say, NO. It will destroy you. I t will destroy any meaningful relationship you will ever want to create... even the holiest of all relationships, only second to God's : the relationship between husband and wife.

I believe in God, and I believe in love.

True love.

Love in its most purest form... in the form of families.

I know that families are mean to be eternal. That we can and are meant to be together forever.

So, listen to the words of a living prophet... and be sure he is speaking truth.

haircut time

2011-09-27T09:40:00.000-07:00

i realized that it's been a year since scissors last touched my hair.

so it was time for a haircut.
and everyone ended up getting one.

isabel hasn't had one since she was born... but i am not touching those beautiful curls... i am too afraid that they will disappear :S

so this is how we look now.

i was on my way to the Relief Society Stake Activity.

We had been collecting bay clothes to give out to the Hospital.

they give it to mothers who are in need of help, and these boxes give them a good start.

we had dinner. so yummy!!!

and then we had the broadcast.

oh, how i love it!

elder uchtdorf was amazing...as usual.

it always feel so personal. like if he was talking to me alone.

it is that powerful

i love to be a member of the church of JesusChrist of latter day saints.

i love to be a member of the Relief Society.

good feelings

2011-09-23T09:26:00.000-07:00

it's been almost a week, but i will share that the show went great. people seemed to enjoy my singing, sang along in a couple of songs, sat down to watch me, laughed with me at some of my comments in between songs...

i liked it!

i hope they call me for next year.

i also had singed to audition for "canada's got talent" but i didn't show up.

i decided i would watch the show first, get a feel of what the judges look for...etc.

so maybe next year.

i watched the x factor.

i'm loving it so far.

i love simon. period.

it must have been the best feeling in the world to hear you're good enough.

that you're worth the try.

it must feel amazing when someone sees potential in you.

when you get closer and closer to fulfilling your dreams.

and i get all emotional to see that happening to them!

it makes me so happy.

i love it.

so... the x factor is yet one more show i am addicted too :D

Big Show!!!

2011-09-17T16:17:00.000-07:00

I sing tomorrow!!!!!!

i am so excited!!

i'm all practiced... getting nothing but excited.

my mom asked me if i was nervious... but no.

no right now...we'll see tomorrow.

there is a nice bio of me on the papers :D

i am so excited!

i know that i would have preffered to have evan there with me.... but

i can do this

I CAN DO THIS!

i really can do this!

i hope everyone will enjoy it...

back to school

2011-09-17T12:48:00.000-07:00

believe it or not, i have two kids in school.

carmen is in grade 2 and evan is in kindergarten.

this year kindergarten goes ALL day!

nice!
i am all by myself with little isabel.

we have had some good times together already.

i loooove it.

it is so much fun.

i realized that poor evan is the one that hasn't had that much one-on-one time with mommy :(

that's probably why he doesn't know how to read yet.

he knows the numbers pretty well ( i always hear him counting... till 100!!)

he can read easy, three letter words.

and bless his heart, when he gets a book he reads it sounding every letter :D

he loves books, so i think he'll get it in no time.

i just wish i could have helped him more. and also help him read in spanish, like i did with carmen.

that being said, i tried... but he concentrates for 5 words!!! 5 words at a time... and he's running!

talking about running.... yesterday they had the TERRY FOX run at school and he told me he could run faster than his big buddies. and i believe him.

he is soooo fast.

he call him "dash" at home. from the incredibles movie :D

i am so proud of him.

he is doing so good.

his teacher ( mrs b, reaaaally lovely young woman) has even told me that he helps other children at his class feel better ( soooo many have separation issues and cry if the parents are not there). i am so glad my kids are not like that.

i am sooo proud!

carmen is doing excellent, of course.

she is in a grade 2-3 split class.

her teacher is mr pawer. really good teacher. i am so happy.

evan sr also started school... and with the fraternity things going on as well, and work!!! i haven't seen him much.

it is everything all over again!

i seriously feel like a single mother some days.

but i am not new to this, so i am ok.

you learn.... you really learn.

i am being pushed to my limits.... stretched. but i am doing it.

everything is FAR from perfect, but somehow i managed to have clean clothes, food made, children well groomed, clean house, relief socitey running, visits done... and still be happy!!!! ( and sane :D)

it is really a miracle.

i just know, i am not alone in this.

heavenly help is always there.

beautiful!

2011-09-10T10:12:00.000-07:00

i just watched this video...and part 3 as well.

i thought i would share it.

it is something i struggle with.

sometimes i feel powerful, others i feel weak.

sometimes it is a real fight.

i'd rather be good than look good.

sometimes i know i am beautiful.... sometimes my reflection doesn't reflect the real me.... and it pains me, even if it just for a minute. it pains me.

i think of my divine nature.

i think of my gifts and destiny... and it is powerful.

i hope you all know that we are more...much more than what the world tells us.

remember this :

I wonder if you sisters fully understand the greatness of your gifts and talents and how all of you can achieve the “highest place of honor” in the Church and in the world. One of your unique, precious, and sublime gifts is your femininity, with its natural grace, goodness, and divinity. Femininity is not just lipstick, stylish hairdos, and trendy clothes. It is the divine adornment of humanity. It finds expression in your qualities of your capacity to love, your spirituality, delicacy, radiance, sensitivity, creativity, charm, graciousness, gentleness, dignity, and quiet strength. It is manifest differently in each girl or woman, but each of you possesses it. Femininity is part of your inner beauty.

--President James E. Faust

i'm useless

2011-08-30T23:19:00.000-07:00

after a few days of not doing much... feeling weak, a bit drowsy ( i wanted to use less medication, but it's still too painful. one side is not healing as fast as it'd be desired...) and bored...above all, really bored!! i tried to get myself up, doing myself up.

i even watched a few videos on how to do my hair.

but the thing is...

i am useless.

i can't do my hair if my life depended on it!!

it is sad.

i did my make up.

it made me feel way better.

i just would like to have nice hair... i would like to do something different than just straight or pony tail for a change.

i will try again... and i will be patient, i guess.

but it is moments like these that make me want to chop off all of my hair.

i'm growing it long, though. i'm forcing myself to keep it long.

i think it will help me do more things with it.

and i am not coloring either.

i like my virgin hair, now.

i like it.

patient

2011-08-29T10:12:00.000-07:00

everytime i think about that word, i think about THIS TALK now:

it is a blessing, really, to have the priesthood today, to have prophets today.

i love general conference.

i am excited.... october is right around the corner!

anyway.... i got there after reflecting on pain.

the pain i have endured these couple of days after the surgery.

tylenol 3 has been my best friend lately.

it helped easing the pain, and letting my rest.

now all i want is to be able to EAT!

i am so hungry, i can think of a million things i will like to put in my mouth.

hopefully soon.

i tried to chew some pasta the other day and it was soooo tiring!

my jaw got so sored after a few bites.

anyway, in the mean time: water and yoghurt.

i asked evan to bring me ice cream and he gets chocolate ice cream... i don't like chocolate ice cream! you would think that after 7 years of marriage he would know that!!

i didn't say anything, though.

i rather not talk much, it still hurts. so i think everyone is thankful for that around here ;P

if you don't read/listen to the talk, i leave you this quote:

Elder Orson F. Whitney wrote: “No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to our education, to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude, and humility. … It is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire.”

the good and the bad

2011-08-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

that's what seems to heppen all the time.

the good and the bad come hand in hand.

the good?: my hubby came home!!

i also had a wedding i had to play for ( my first paid job as a pianist, apart from the teaching)

it was my excuse to pamper myself and at the same time be all done up for my baby.

i did my nails, both hands and feet, and had some waxing done, plus the usual eyebrow threading on friday.( nice to be out without the babes for an hour).

saturday morning was full of driving around.

leaving the kids at the babysitter, going to do my hair, pick up the kids, drop them off at tracy's for jane's b-day, going to the church for the ceremony. driving back to the park where i thought the party was at, but no one was there. going to tracy's ( no one was there either) going to francia's house ( no one was there, but the neighbour let me used the phone. with no luck because i thought evan would be home but he wasn't answering!). so i drove all the way home. evan had just gotten in. his flight was delayed. i got changed, got the kids clothes ready and didn't wait for evan to get ready, i had to go get them at tracy's again get them all dressed there and then go to the church for the reception!! i was exhausted.

when i got there, they were just starting. and evan wasn't there yet but got just in time for the food.

the kids were super excited to see him. they couldn't believe their eyes!

he was super tired, and since he was driving his bike he left right away... i know... it sucks to be at a wedding without a date :(

when the kids saw that daddy wasn't there, they asked where he was. i said at home. evan's eyes got super big:"our house???" he asked... it is so nice to go home knowing your hubby is there waiting for you :D

we didn't last too long at the party. i was tired too.

sunday i had ward council at 9am. then drove back home to get the family and put the roast in the crock pot ( i had the elders for dinner!). i had some more business after the meetings...and then home to do the rest of the cooking.

monday was evan's b-day party.

it was pouring so we moved it to tuesday, so that morning i attacked the mountain of dirty clothes evan brought. we went grocery shopping adn we went to the police station to get evan's lost wallet back. someone found it and turned it in. money and everything untouched. that's canada for you, my friends.

tusday was party time! i did the cupcakes, prepared all the food and things and headed to the water park.

it was a nice day.

almost all the kids that were invited came. but evan was really happy. he played with everyone there, and had so much fun.

evan had to go to the base on wednesday morning and i went to the water park with the kids and all my mexican friends.

that evening i had a rs activity. and evan stayed home with the kids.

by the time i got home all were in bed :D

we had a nice talk.

we, ok, i would say I needed that talk.

everything had been so full of things to do, we really didn't have much time to just sit and talk.

we started watching a movie... i fell asleep in the middle of it.

today... evan was up at 6'30. had a blood test to get done.

at 10 he drove me to the dentist.

got my 3 wisdom teeth out.

it was pretty easy. he said i have pretty tough gums. should i feel good about that?

evan took the kids to the beach while i slept. i thought i could go to the beach with them, but once the freezing wore off i couldn't handle it.

it was really nice to just sleep.

they got home and i got in this frantic mood.

cleaned teh kitchen, make dinner, mop the floor, give the kids a bath... and lay dead on my bed.

evan sat with them to eat, put their pijamas, brushed their teeth, prayed and put them in bed.

he made me a milkshake. i have just had water since breakfast, i feel sick in my stomach.

hope i start feeling better soon. at least i always seem to have some kind of burst of energy....and often i take it too far.

i never learn.

someone like me

2011-08-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

for someone like me that would spend the whole day laying in the sun, getting tanned super fast,

it is horrible to be allergic to the sun.

but since i loooove it so much, i don't care that my lips get so swollen, that they get all chipped and dry and they crack.

i just rather go through the whole week of applying vaseline and lotion and not being able to kiss ( good thing my hubby is not around ;P) and not being able to have lipgloss on ( that is a really tough one for me)... but "q me quiten lo bailao" ( as we would say in spain :P).

i enjoyed my day at the beach.

i really did.

my lips will have to forgive me.

they'll just have to.

potty training

2011-08-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

i said i wasn't going to force isabel to stop wearing diapers.... but i just don;t want to spend $30 on diapers anymore.

school is starting soon, and i know i will have more time to be dedicated solely to her, but i though i would start.

so far... i don't like it. she is very against it. so i'm taking it easy.

i have two more weeks on my own, and then my baby comes home.

another thing i am excited about is for evan jr to stat kindergarten.

he is really pushing all my buttons lately. and i just have zero patience left.

is it bad i want someone else to deal with him??? poor teacher. but of course, he'll be the cuttest little sweatheart for her, i know. he'll keep the bad behavior for me. i'm sure.

oh well.

i'm just hanging by a thread, but still hanging.

Relief Society

2011-08-06T14:56:00.000-07:00

I have to share with you that I love to be part of the Relief Society.

At first I was in shock about becoming the president, but after a month... I can say that this is simply one more blessing from Heavenly Father.

It is just what I needed to stop being just casual in my study of the scriptures and relying of past experiences with the Spirit, but to become more active in the things pertaining to righteousness, if you know what i mean.

The Atonement of JesusChrist has taken another meaning in my life.

It is amazing to see its power in people around you... it is a transforming event to feel it in your own life.

He can make us perfect.

Yes, He can.

And yes He will if we come unto Him.

I am teaching tomorrow.

I've been inspired by amazing women like the General President, Julie B Beck.

I admire her and look up to her. She has influenced me and blessed me more than she would ever know.

We are truly blessed to be women, to be wives, mothers, sisters, daughters....

to be the daughters of God.

use your imagination

2011-07-26T20:05:00.000-07:00

i am sorry.

i guess i'll apologize.

the two weeks with my sisters were fantastic.

a lot of fun.

basically, anytime i have family around i only need to have them enjoy my kids and my kids enjoy them... and that's all that matter.

that is what i need to make me happy.

and happy it made me.

it was hard to say bye.

it is heartbreaking to see them say good-bye and not knowing when the next time we'll see them will be.

hard.

really hard.

i cried good part of our trip to seattle.

on the way back... i just couldn't stay awake. i had to stop. twice. i just fell asleep, and it was scary.

but i imagine you want to see pictures.... and that's where you;ll have to use your imagination.

i have no time to upload them to the computer...

now.... these last few weeks have been full of interesting things, and i just don't know if i will ever get around to tell you.

i could just mention some...but i am afraid i will be giving it no justice to how much these things matter to me. and i don;t want to do that.

so just for now, i'll tell you i just got incense for the first time: pinapple and papaya.

i realize that it forced me to calm down. take it easy and relax.

and i also realized that it makes me think of my sister patricia.

now i want to cry.

(ok... i might be in that part of the month too... which reminds me... after the D and C they told me i would be getting my period between 4-6 weeks later. 5 weeks!!! just 2 days after evan got here!!!!!!!!... and then back again on the day! i am a well oiled ovulating machine! i guess i should be grateful... but i am not...just yet)

when i least expect it

2011-07-03T18:06:00.000-07:00

you think i would learn.

whenever i feel like i am getting comfortable, like i have things under control, of course things change on me.

we had the party at the church yesterday.

it was fun!

we had spent all day at the waterpark with tracy and the kids.

jordan and evan were out all day looking for evan's wallet ( that had flown out of his pocket driving his bike... yes, just the day before he leaves.... no stress added to the situation!)

back to the party... since we had been out he still had to pack, so i wanted to leave as soon as possible.

well, bishop asked me if i had received his phonecall... he wanted to talk to both of us.

our rs president had been called to the stake rs presidency last week at conference, so we all knew there were going to be changes.

since i hadn't heard from bishop all week, i thought i had nothing to worry about... till then.

it felt like a heart attack.

i wasn't expecting that calling at all.

it feels too big for me.

way too big.

good thing i have the most amazing counselors.

they are more than what you could ever imagine.

the sisters in my ward are the best.

it felt amazing when bishop asked for their supporting vote and they lifted their hand, i literally felt a ( much needed) boost of energy.

i was glad evan was there with me too.

he makes me believe i can do anything.

he is amazing to me.

so... we'll see what is in this for me to learn.

i can think of a billion things right now.

i'll just say, i am grateful for my Saviour. because through Him we can be perfected, and His grace is sufficient if i humble myself, to make strengths out of my weaknesses.

He is truly my heroe.

Glory be to God for the infinite gift of His Son.

and like that... he's gone

2011-07-02T23:38:00.000-07:00

well.. it looks like a week is not enough time to do anything.

but we managed to:

do some fun shopping.

eat out

attend stake conference

finish school ( carmen got super good grades!!!)

go to the movies ( we watched rio.... i want to visit rio de janeiro so bad now!)

watch WIMBLEDON!!! (i love watching sports with evan.... well just soccer, hockey and tennis, i don't care for any other sports, really)

go to the fair

celebrate canada day with a bbq at the lake with some friends.

spend some time with cousins.

waterpark

party at the church for families.

...

and tomorrow he leaves.

i am going to miss him.

bad.

i just hope that these next 6 weeks go by fast.

the good news is my sisters are coming next week for a couple of weeks.

so that will keep me entertained :D

it was more than amazing to have him for a week.

it was a super nice surprise.

he's not going to have it easy to top that one.

he had me totally fooled.

it was an amazing week.

my baby is home!

2011-06-26T20:47:00.000-07:00

evan had been "fighting" to get a week of at work so that he could come... and they finally gave it to him, but they told him that they couldn't drive him to and from the airport or pay for the air fare.

so we lost hope.

i had some wishful thinking that at some point they would tell him... or that he would find worth the trip to see me (but i knew we couldn't just spend $600+ on plane tickets).

i even asked him if there was a tiny tiny chance that i could see him, but he said no. and so i stopped hoping for the impossible.

then last week they had some excercise out in the woods for the whole week, so we hardly spoke on the phone, but one time he said he was going to get back on friday so that we would talk then.

then friday came and he called me to tell me to get on skype at around 10pm.

i was so excited!!

i had put the kids to bed and i was laying in bed with isabel but she woulldn't fall asleep.

i hear a knock on the door.

i don't want to open it. it is dark and i am alone. i am not going down.

they knock again.

louder, firmer.

now i am scared. i think it is the police.

i sheepishly open...

it is EVAN!!!!!

i was in shock.

he says i couldn't breathe, i had palpitations...

i couldn't believe my eyes.

for a moment i was so confused....but it felt so good to have him in my arms!

it feels really good actually.

so if you've seen me, that's why i have a smile from ear to ear.

i am so excited.

this week is going to go by so fast, but i am so excited.

so if you don't hear much from me, you know i am just having fun with the whole fam!!

first day of summer!!

2011-06-21T23:15:00.000-07:00

it was so hot out... i decided to take the kids to the water park... but since i am so smart, i take out the camera to make a video of isabel ( so cute going under the sprinklers, getting wet and coming to tell me) only to find that there was no memory card!! LAME! i am that LAME!

anyway.... they enjoyed it, and me too.

i can't wait for school to be over!

tears and smiles

2011-06-20T19:59:00.000-07:00

i might be very hormonal here, because i cried and LOL today watching the bachelorette.

i had a good time listening to jp before they fought ( WHAT IDIOT thought that was a good idea!?!?!?)

but jp was pretty hilarious!

i like the guy.

and then cried with poor ames... bless his heart.

i like him too.

then laughed a little more with william.

he's a jerk, but i feel sorry for him.

bless his heart too.

i feel sorry for ashley too. i don;t know if she's ready to hear the truth about bentley.

it's going to break her.

anyway... you can laugh at me all you want now.

i just blame the hormones :S

i need my husband.... that's all i'm going to say!

one more week

2011-06-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

i keep repeating that... maybe time will fly faster that way.

i am super bored.

first of all, i want school to be over.

and then we can start having fun!

weather is so amazing, i just want to go to the park... and not return home until dinner time.... if ever ;P

weekends...especially fridays are extra hard to be alone.

i want my hubby home already!

but not yet... not yet.

tomorrow i will go to the temple with my ward, so i am excited about that.

but i am not excited about spending father's day without the father of my kids. :(

so.... let's hope this weeks flies!

such an uneventful day today

2011-06-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

after being so busy all weekend, today seemed DEAD!

we had ward conference on sunday and i was super busy.

i conducted the music on sacrament, i conducted the choir, i was asked ( on the spot) to sing on sunday school, i was playing and translating during relief society... and then i had to fly to get home and start cooking!!!

I super super loved having my mission president and wife over for dinner. they are the sweetest people you'll ever encounter on this world.

i wanted to cry!

they are amazing.

we had some good times talking about things they remembered i went through on my mission.

i am happy to set clear once and for all that I and only I tell the truth about what happened on enterviews day, the second time i met evan, during a game of jeopardy!!

so if you hear the story from evan... don't believe him!! BELIEVE ME! and sister bowen is my witness!! :D

we got to speak with evan through skype.

i know he was dying to be here with them.

bless.

it only means that we'll go to utah sometime soon!!

on monday they also came because their son and family wanted to see us too.

they have an amazing family.

i remember wishing they had a son my age for me to marry and be part of them.... i guess marrying one of their missionaries was close enough ;P

i thought i would see them today again, because i was going to drive president to their cruise ship, but they found some other way and they didn't need me anymore :(

so i was sad...all day.

my piano student didn't come, so i didn't even get to have any distraction.

i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

i'll have to get out.

Maria's Baptism

2011-06-11T20:43:00.000-07:00

we had maria's baptism today.

it was lovely.

she is a special little girl.

it made me think of the day carmen will get baptized.

i can't wait.

she asked carmen to say the opening prayer, and she also sung "when i am baptized" with maria and friends and cousins.

she asked me to sing "daughter of a king" and that got everyone crying.

one day i will master singing and crying at the same time and still sounding good.

that is a lovely song and a great powerful message.

i am glad i could participate in such a way.

here it is some pictures of the event:

gabriel, natalie, elizabeth, carmen, maria, mary, isabel, jane and sara.

isabel trying on her new sun glasses

evan had to do it too.

maria and i.

and with the kids

my room

2011-06-11T20:13:00.000-07:00

so here it is.

i need cool wall paper i haven't found yet to put in the frames ( that's why they are still down.

and yes, when i have the money i will get new dressers.

much needed new dressers.

i know the board doesn't look so good, but that's where i hang all the little cards and pictures carmen makes. and that's staying... until i make a super cute new one... i'm just not in the mood for another project.

I am finished... literally!

2011-06-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

I finally finished...

it was a hard job, but i did it.

three elders from church came to help me... and what a relief!

seriously my ward is amazing!

I still have a few things to add... but I'm loving the final result!

the girls room:

Evan's room.

this one i really don;t know what to do...but at least it looks clean.

that's what i care more about|!

I still have to put my room together and the bathrooms... but I thought you might like to see what's ready :D

I am excited!

And my mission president comes on sunday!! I'll have them over for dinner... I am making the roasted chicken in coca cola...yumm!!

I can't wait to see them!

What to do, what to do??

2011-06-05T22:46:00.000-07:00

I finally started feeling a little better.

I tried to do so much and then my body gave in.

I suck at taking care of my body.

I am trying.

If Evan is not around it gets even worse.... but I am trying.

My house gets even better when he is not here.

And he is the tidy one! but I just get so bored that I clean all day!

My house looks better than ever.

I am now painting the rooms. Having to move all the furniture and get things out of the way has helped me clean places I haven't in at least ( here comes the confession) a YEAR!

Well... I painted Evan's room ( it was disgusting... all the walls decorated with his nice drawings and faded marks as I tried ( and failed) to erase them.

I am glad I chose a baby blue.

I have to still put the room together... but I often pass by the room and open the door just to get excited about the final product! :D

I painted the bathroom too... in grey.

I got a new shower curtain in grey and turquoise and white that I am so excited about...

and here it is the most exciting thing....

NEW TOWELS!

In white and turquoise too.

Exciting!

The girl's room is going to be a light lavender.

My room is going to be in a lighter grey than the bathroom grey.

I got a few things I am excited about for the decor n my room.

Can't wait to set it all up!

I've been dying to actually decide on what I decorate my house with.

Here is the girl who inherited probably 10 year old towels from my in-laws, and finally gets new ones.

I told you!! Exciting!!

And here is the girl who used a duvet cover that her husband ex made for him with the Montreal Canadiens logo for years before getting a new one.

So yes... I've waited too long.

But I am excited I am doing it!

I can't wait for my house to look like a piece of me.

After pictures coming next week... stay tuned!

monday nights

2011-05-31T10:37:00.000-07:00

bachelorette is on and you know it!! i am hooked to the tv!

i can't believe they find the weirdiest weirdos they can find in UTAH!

so... i may or may not like her so much.... and i am actually not too impressed with the guys either.

will is cute... but i am not convinced yet.

mickey is hot ( so is nick) but a bit weird.

so i am excited to see who she gets on the end :D

SPAIN

2011-05-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

one thing i know:

you can take the girl out of spain, but you can't take spain out of the girl.

i love my country.

i love it.

i am grateful i was born there.

truth be told, i've been a bit disconnected about what was going on there since i came here to canada.

but i am sure i can be forgiven, because starting a life somewhere else, having 3 kids... i think i can be excused.

but lately, i've been watching their news online.

depressing is not even close to describing it.

my heart aches.

my country, my dear country is on a huge crisis.

last week they had the provincial elections.

a change is desperately needed.

anyway... i can't stop thinking about the situation there.

we want to move to spain, for a few years. but we need it to be on its way up, nor down.

i wish i could something.

i had a dream last night.

i was in some kind of meeting, people gathered to talk about options to get the country up again.

politicians and commoners were there.

the king and queen made an appearance.

i approached a lady that in my dream was the minister of defense.

i wanted to sound serious and formal, but i started crying to her.

i appealed to her love for the country, its people.

how could there be so few with so much, and so much with so little? i asked her.

couldn't they do something to be FAIR?

i saw the king and queen with their crowns, and their gowns...

" first thing i would abolish the monarchy!"

i had some fears they would accused me of treason, but i said it anyway.

"we can afford all that and people can't afford housing??"

i wanted politicians to give all they had too, for the nation. that way they will be real heroes.

i was so upset.

how could they see the country fall and think only on themselves?

it just doesn't make sense in my head they stand on platforms, and on front of mics, asking people to trust them with their votes, with their money, with their future...when all they seek is their own interest.

i know beyonce says girls run the world... i know, you wouldn't like to contradict her,

but no, girls don't run the world... corruption runs the world!

it is a fun song, though.

so enjoy!

turning pages

2011-05-24T22:03:00.000-07:00

it is over.

the whole ordeal about the miscarriage is over.

after spending the whole day saturday at the hospital only to realize that all the OR's were booked, they sent me home.

i had to come back sunday morning.

8am.

sister ioniddis took me there. her husband gave me a blessing before dropping me off.

then it hit me.

i cried for a while.

evelyn just offered her warm embrace.

no judging, no condescension...just simple compassion.

that's why i love her so much.

it was the end of my short experience with pregnancy #4.

not the end we anticipated.

but still a hopeful end.

i must say that i was ok for the whole time at the hospital, except when i was waiting to get in the OR.

I wished for someone to be there holding my hand and telling me everything was going to be ok.

the nurses were so sweet though.

i felt the medication started to kick in. the big focus lights on top of me started spinning, getting blurry... and i thought to myself: " that's what it feels like" and that was it.
next thing i know i was trying to breathe but found myself coughing, and someone out there coaching me to breathe.
"deep breaths, deep breaths" i heard.
i was too tired to open my eyes and see who was talking to me.
but when i did, i was out in the recovery room.
a nurse was telling me all about how the procedure was a success, everything went perfectly....and something that sounded like blah blah blah to me.
i was too tired to concentrate and actually listen and understand what she as telling me.
when i was getting more alert i found myself saying something in spanish and then kind of correcting myself and feeling a bit embarrassed.
the nurse seemed not to care though.
well.... i finally got home and called my mom and then called my hubby.
it was tiring to talk to them.
i went to sleep.
thanks to my rs sisters my kids spent the night away so i had all night to rest.
and rest is all i needed.
it was nice to see my kids.
they make me come back to reality.
i like my reality.
only it would be better if it was a bit less noisy....especially now.
but i love them home with me.
i like to enjoy them.
and maybe that's what i most appreciate about this hard experience.
i loved my chance to mother a 4th baby.
i loved the idea of another little being inside of me, i looked with anticipation at the day when i'll meet him/her.
and even though it wouldn't turn out this time... i enjoyed every minute of it.
and that's what i'll have with me forever.
so now, i'm turning the page... to whatever comes in this story that is
MY LIFE.

ducklings and spelling tests

2011-05-19T19:33:00.000-07:00

Carmen's class hatched some duck eggs.

She begged and begged to get the ducklings for a day.

I accepted, but I signed us down before I knew about the abortion.

So i wasn't in the mood for taking care of animals. so carmen and the ducklings spent the day with my friend paula and her girls ( who were also dying to get them too!)

and here are some pictures of the event.

needless to say the drama that went on when it was time to leave.

carmen cried and cried. she was so mad at me for not letting the ducklings come to our house.

she finally forgave me though.

she had her spelling test today.

she is so good.

her reading, her writting, her spelling is out of this world.

i am so happy to have such a sensitive, smart little girl :D

there's been more things happening

2011-05-19T11:58:00.000-07:00

and they also matter, so i'll write about them.

my kids at the Easter activity.

celebrating Easter at home

some cute pictures from one of our many trips to the park.

pictures of the day we dropped daddy off at the airport :(

hours later carmen and evan went to a stake primary at the temple, where they planted some trees ( and brought one home)

isabel and i went to the library but once we got home she really missed them. she was asking for them every 2 minutes. bless.... i don't know what she's going to do when evan starts kindergarten this year :S

our loss

2011-05-15T17:03:00.000-07:00

my baby#4 is no longer with us.

he/she left us without warning.
i went to have my ultrasound on thursday.
i even got carmen out of school early so she could see the baby.
and evan would get to see the baby before leaving.
but the technician there said he couldn't see anything.
so he sent me home, and there was nothing for the fam to see :(
i had never had an ultrasound so early, so we never thought anything of it.
the next day, they called me from the clinic. they had the results and i needed to go see a doctor.
today.
it was weird.
a doctor visit on a sunday.
it left us worried.
evan left yesterday and he was worried.
i went to see the doctor and he was very careful in his words.
i noticed he didn't want to say the words: "missed abortion".
that is what i had.
so i am getting another ultrasound tomorrow and we'll go from there.
but for now.
i am sad.
i got over the fear, the wonder...and got all excited, making plans... and now, i gotta change plans again.
i was late for church. i missed sacrament.
sunday school left me thinking.
sometimes you ask and you don't receive.
it doesn't mean that you don't pray with faith.
sometimes you keep the commandments but it doesn't mean everything is going to be ok.
sometimes you just have something to learn.
carmen was sad to hear the bad news. evan got all upset about it.
"my poor baby brother" he said.
bless his heart, he wants a baby brother so bad.
carmen said she really wanted a baby sister or brother, for real.
bless.
she said we'll just wait for Heavenly Father to send us another one.
and that's exactly what we'll do :D

mi gozo en un pozo

2011-05-11T08:04:00.000-07:00

I thought Evan was staying to 3 weeks and I had him for 3 whole weeks ALL to myself... but no!

First, monday he had to go to UBC,

then yesterday he had to go into the base ( where he found out that he's not leaving the 31st of May...

no, he's leaving on saturday!!!!!!!!)

My plans are over.

I had so many things to do while he was here.

Well, now, I'll be lucky to have a date with him!!

We're hoping to get babysitters on friday and go to the Temple.

Anything will be something!

3 months...
I knew it was coming, but I'm really not prepared.
:(

it has been 8 days

2011-05-07T14:32:00.000-07:00

Evan's been gone for 8 days today.

The truth is that I can't wait till he gets home.

Last night when I was putting Carmen to bed she told me:" I really love daddy. And I want him to be home".

"I know, I want him to come home too. Really soon! Everything is more fun when daddy is home, isn't it?" I said.

"Yes, and you're happier, you don't have to do everything and you don't yell as much".

Hahahahha... I guess Evan does have that calming effect on me.

We all really miss him.

I am sad he'll miss the kids presentation at Church tomorrow for mother's day.

Carmen is singing and Evan has to say: Mom, I love you so much!.

I would love to share that moment with the man that made me a mother....but oh well... Soon enough!

the contract

2011-05-05T10:06:00.001-07:00

on wednesday i take the kids to a mom's group, and we were talking about how many times a night you get woken up.

this lady said: "oh well, it is part of the contract of becoming a mother".

did i choose to ignore the small print??

there are LOTS of things you are not aware of before you have kids.

i'll take the stretch marks, the varicose veins, the dark under eyes, the worn out boobs, the spills, the messes.... whatever it is in the contract, to have my cute babies!!

after all they are my greatest JEWELS!

Mothers Who Know Bear Children

(by Julie B. Beck)

Mothers who know desire to bear children. Whereas in many cultures in the world children are “becoming less valued,”²in the culture of the gospel we still believe in having children. Prophets, seers, and revelators who were sustained at this conference have declared that “God’s commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force.”³President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that “in the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels.”⁴

Faithful daughters of God desire children. In the scriptures we read of Eve (see Moses 4:26), Sarah (see Genesis 17:16), Rebekah (see Genesis 24:60), and Mary (see 1 Nephi 11:13–20), who were foreordained to be mothers before children were born to them. Some women are not given the responsibility of bearing children in mortality, but just as Hannah of the Old Testament prayed fervently for her child (see 1 Samuel 1:11), the value women place on motherhood in this life and the attributes of motherhood they attain here will rise with them in the Resurrection (see D&C 130:18). Women who desire and work toward that blessing in this life are promised they will receive it for all eternity, and eternity is much, much longer than mortality. There is eternal influence and power in motherhood.

the contract

2011-05-05T10:05:00.000-07:00

on wednesday i take the kids to a mom's group, and we were talking about how many times a night you get woken up.

this lady said: "oh well, it is part of the contract of becoming a mother".

did i choose to ignore the small print??

there are LOTS of things you are not aware of before you have kids.

i'll take the stretch marks, the varicose veins, the dark under eyes, the worn out boobs, the spills, the messes.... whatever it is in the contract, to have my cute babies!!

after all they are my greatest JEWELS!

Mothers Who Know Bear Children (by Julie B. Beck)

Almost $600 later...and I can see!

2011-05-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

This morning I drove all the kids to school.

It was a grey, rainy day.

I struggled to get there... not very good visibility to start with and without glasses, it was even worse!

I couldn't even sleep last night.

Woke up at 4 and started looking around for them some more.

I felt so pressure thinking of all the things I had to do and how I couldn't drive.

So first thing in the morning, I made an appointment for an eye exam.

I got my neighbor to drive me and got me a pair of contact lenses.

My vision has actually improved.

That's good :D

She said I have the healthiest eyes ever.

Nice!

She made my day.

She kept telling me that I looked amazing: "You have such beautiful bone structure, but I am sure you get that all the time".

Yeah, right!

"You remind me of my friend. She models. You look just like her. So pretty"

She was amazingly beautiful herself. I think that's why it was so easy for her to compliment me.

Anyway... I had a great time. I mean, I wanted to wrap her and take her home with me :D

And of course it felt so much better to be able to function and accomplish everything.

I don't like unexpected expenses like this...but at least I had money aside to do my wisdom teeth and since I ended up not using it, of course something would come up!

So, I would be grateful :D

I can't say I never broke the law

2011-05-01T19:16:00.000-07:00

I did something illegal today.

I lost my glasses ( this is not what is illegal, keep reading!)

Oooops! i did it again ( as my good friend Britney would say)

Yes, I know what you're thinking.

It must be my pregnant mind forgetting things.

I guess at least I have one symptom ;P

I went through my routine last night, and I was so tired by the time I hit the sack, I don't remember what I did with my glasses when I got to bed.

I always get them out once I am in bed and put them on my dresser.

But they are not there!

They are not ANYWHERE!!

I said all the prayers I know, and NOTHING!

It sucks!

I had to drive to Church without glasses :( ( this is what it is against the law)

I am a very bad person, I know.

So irresponsible!

Believe me, I was praying the whole way there.

Good thing it's Sunday and nobody is on the road, and it is a pretty straight forward way to get there.

It can't be that Isabel grabbed them and put them anywhere, because I went to bed after her, and woke up before her, and the glasses are MIA!

What can I do?

Arggggghhhhhhhhhhh!

i'm a romantic

2011-04-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

i love weddings....

so of course i would watch the wedding of the year!!

and of course i cried!!!

they are so cute!

i love to see people in love!

i always tell evan i want to have a wedding again, one that i actually care about.

i just wanted to marry him that didn't care much about what went on.

i loved my wedding.

but i still want to do it again! :D

we'll wait

2011-04-28T20:39:00.000-07:00

so, one of the good things about being pregnant is that i didn't get my wisdom teeth out today.

the dentist said to wait at least until after the first trimester.

the bad news is that if evan is gone the summer then i will have to wait till he is home to do it. but that's when i was going to go on the trip with my friends :(

hopefully i can do both.

like if anyone wants to come and take care of me during the summer for a couple of weeks :D

warning; this is a long post. read only if you want to know the story of when i found out i was pregnant.

2011-04-28T10:51:00.000-07:00

wednesday april 20th ....a day to remember.

in the morning, i had this interesting conversation with evan about having my sister tania's in vitro baby in my uterus.

i've thought long about my poor sister not being able to have babies and maybe this could give her one.

well... if you can imagine, that conversation turned into tears really fast.

so much crying kind of took evan by surprise, and he kept saying that it was not normal, that it was because i was pregnant!

well... i was convinced i wasn't. we had done everything not to get pregnant. so it couldn't be.

any other time when i've been late i've freaked out about it, but this time being 5 days late seemed not to have that effect on me.

but going about the day i thought i would go to the doctor and make sure.

i dropped off lunch for carmen, had to get a few things, while i was waiting i went and had my eyebrows done... and then i wasn't sure i had so much time before i had to get carmen from school.

but i decided i could squeeze the doctor, so i went.

even there in the bathroom peeing in the cup, i was totally convinced that it couldn't be.

the doctor came in the room and said: "Positive".

i asked: "positive, what??

"positive, positive you're pregnant"

breathe deep.

breathe deep...

or just cry.

so i did.

poor isabel sawmy tear and came to my side to console me.

evan asked me what was wrong, and told him there was a baby in my belly.

"really??" he said with a big smile on his face...and then he hugged me ever so gently.

i sometimes wonder what the doctor thinks about me.

always on my own with the 3 kids.

and now a 4th.

he asked me what i wanted to do about it.

i can't believe someone could commit abortion. and even make the decision right there without even telling their spouse.

so we got an appointment for a blood test and ultra sound, but he told me to wait at least 2 weeks to have it done.

needless to say i cried all the way back to carmen's school.

when i got there i told my friend paula and cried a bit more.

when evan got home i had no intentions to tell him, but he did remember to ask me if i had gone to the doctor.

but i told him i hadn't. no time.

but then i told him that no i wasn't pregnant, but the doctor prescribed me something to go get the paper in my bag.

he saw the blood test, and then read in the ultrasound "FIRST TRIMESTER".

he looked at me...

"you're pregnant!"

"yes"

" but...for real!"

real...seemed so unreal...but yes, for real!

we got in our room and talked about my feelings.

to tell you the truth i didn't know how to feel.

i always knew i would have a fourth...but now?

i was a bit confused.

after that much crying i fell asleep, while evan looked on line for s new car that would sit our 4 kids.

that nap felt good.

i woke up, with a much needed sense of peace and actually JOY about this.

the only thing i feared was my family's reaction.

but i told tania ( i knew she would be positive about it) and i asked her to please tell the rest.

the least thing i need is to hear negativity, not when it is something i am so happy about.

i let some days go by before actually talking to my mom.

by then she had come to terms with the fact and it wasn't that bad.

we talked on skype with evan's parents that are serving a mission in tobago, and they were so excited. they come back in december, and my mom-in-law said: what a beautiful welcome home present!

she is my hero.

anyway...everyone around me is so excited so that makes me really happy.

i am really really happy.

i can't wait to meet my baby.

i can't wait to find out who it is.

we are hoping for Jonas Isaac.

if it is a girl we don't have a name yet.

my choice will be micaela (my dad's mother's name) or manuela ( my dad's sister's name....see, he has three sisters: an isabel a carmen and a manuela....so it will be perfect!) but evan is not on board! he is such a party pooper sometimes!

oh well.... ideas???

5 days

2011-04-25T23:12:00.000-07:00

it was only 5 days i had to wait to announce it to the world... but it seemed like forever!

i wanted my family in spain to hear about it first.

i am getting more and more excited about this baby each day.

i am feeling great, if it wasn't the case i am afraid i wouldn't be so excited.

i am waiting a couple of weeks to get my ultra sound and to find a midwife.

when all that starts then it might feel more real. because i am still in a bit of a shock :D

anyway.... good times.

remember how stressed i was about so many things happening these days??

well.. baby has brought an incredible sense of peace to my soul!

it has really calmed me down and it's making me look at things in the right perspective.

love it!!

people may think i would be more worried and stressed and fearful... but i am at peace. i am peacefully at peace.

baby is already a blessing.

i really don't understand how people don't want to have babies!

i love my babies....love them!

i can't keep it a secret any longer

2011-04-24T08:32:00.000-07:00

baby #4 is on its way!!

this baby of mine

2011-04-22T15:16:00.000-07:00

i love her to pieces :D

April Madness

2011-04-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

this month is so crazy.

i hope i somehow survive it.

evan is done with classes but still has finals to go through.

we're hoping for excellent grades.

i've been on top of him with his studies.... i looked like my mom at her worst!

he got home with an 82% and all i could think was: not good enough!

i can be such a jerk sometimes.

he is so good, i always expect so much... and i love the 96%!! but i have to learn to celebrate any accomplishment, as small as it may seem.... it has cost him great effort.

at the end of the month he is gone for 10 days with the army :(

he is going to miss mother's day :(

and after that he'll probably be home for 2 weeks and then he'll be gone for the whole summer again.

the thought is stressing me already :(

i will also be getting my 3 remaining wisdom teeth the day before he leaves.... horrible timing :(

i don't know how i've managed to invite everyone in the world to come to my house in these next two weeks.
between playdates, visits, dinners, family home evenings, easter...etc i am on overload!!
(plus my piano classes, the kids groups, grocery shopping trips, doctors appointments, rs activities, primary activities!!!)
i tell you!!
i am going crazy by the minute!
but then, i can't say i can't wiat for this month to be over because it means that evan will be gone...
so....heaven help me :S

what a combo!

2011-04-15T16:53:00.000-07:00

it is friday and i am hormonal.... which makes for a HUGE chocolate craving.

seeing this ( click for the recipe) didn't help either!!

i want one!!

now i am too lazy to make them.

so the craving continues :/

call me stupid...

2011-04-15T12:57:00.000-07:00

this morning i didn't have time to prepare lunch for carmen, so when i dropped her off i told her to be waiting for me at the park by the road and look out for our car so that she could get her lunch.

( that way i don't have to get the kids out of the car...less of an ordeal :P)

well... i went and there she was... by the zebra crossing playing with some rocks, waiting for us.

my heart melted.

she came to the door and grabbed her food: "What do i have?" she asked, waiting so excitedly for the answer. "Pizza, and oatmeal cookies!" i said. She smiled from ear to ear! she blew me a kiss, waived good-bye and close the car door.

but, here ( call me stupid...) is when i didn't want to leave.

she just stood there waiving good-bye and i didn't move. I could hear her say :"you can leave now!"

but since we weren't moving, she came and pushed her cute little nose against the window to say bye to evan and isabel in the back.

she smiled at them too.

my dear daughter,

she is so grown up, and here i am trying to stop time and retain this moment forever.

i know many people have suggested that i worked to have a better financial situation.

the luxury of not living check by check.

but i am grateful i haven't worked since i became a mother.

i am glad i haven't missed any little detail of their first 5 years of life.

call me stupid, but i wouldn't change it for a better car, for a house of my own, for more vacation trips, matching furniture or better/more clothes.

call me stupid, but my kids are my everything!

keeping the sabath

2011-04-10T16:35:00.000-07:00

i'm fasting today.

a proper one this time.

i have so many things to ask my heavenly father.

so i am determined to do my part.

i took the time to explain to carmen what fasting and fast offerings are.

she is really special.

she got it. no problem.

she was so excited to give the envelope to bishop today.

and she was also excited to share her testimony.

she said she knew Jesus loved her and she loved him.

even though we can't see him, he is always near.

she is amazing.

it was evan jr's first time.

he said that the book of mormon is true and that pres. monson is a prophet.

later in sunday school the teacher asked us to mention the virtues of our children.

nobody seemed to volunteer so i jumped in.

my kids are amazing in every way possible.

so full of love, ready to forgive and forget.

i had to share it :D

our teacher, by the way, looks exactly like my dad.... and teaches a bit like him too. it is really weird.

something that i re-learned today was that God's mission is to elevate us, to make of us something greater than what we could accomplish on our own.

satan, on the other hand, wants us to be miserable like him.

"wickedness was never happiness".

when we are not doing what's right we are miserable, and sometimes we want everyone else to be miserable like us. we are just being instruments in satan's hands.

in fact, when we are not elevating our fellowmen, we are on the enemy's side.

that's my thought.

now i'm baking potatoes, buns almost ready to go in the oven, chili in the crock pot and a salad... just waiting for the missionaries to get home and eat!!

great sabbath if you ask me :P

the end of spring break

2011-04-04T17:01:00.000-07:00

last friday i was feeling a bit sad that spring break was ending.

i had thought about doing so many things...but didn't get around doing much.

two weeks went flying!

so on friday, after my piano classes ( and getting paid for march!!! yeay!!) we did a couple errands and met daddy at the movies.

carmen had been counting the days till HOP was out.

so we all went.

it was ages since we had been to the movies, and it was Isabel's first time as a toddler ( first and last, let me tell you!!).

it is probably the last time we go at all...because it is flipping expensive!!

after pop corn and all.. too expensive!

then i treated the fam to earl's.

evan said: "we have to say thanks to mommy cause she is using all her piano money on us"

i could have used it to get a new dress and new shoes.... but no.

i really couldn't have spent it better.

it was fun fun.

it is always fun being with my kids.

it is always messy... but it is always fun.

carmen took this one

and of course evan wanted a turn too :D

(never mind my super natural smile)

saturday was nice out, so after the General Conference sessions, and daddy was gone to the Priesthood one, we went to the park.

Sunday, after conference, Laura came over for dinner and we played some games which made my kids super hyper...

they had a bath...

and ready for school the next day.

so that's it!

no more holidays for a while.

a short while, right??

i can't wait!

i can't wait for nice weather and summer holidays!!

FYI

2011-03-31T09:56:00.002-07:00

i got the bra stick thingys today...

they are just ok.

they are not big enough for me.

i feel discriminated against.

why is it so hard to find bras for big boobs??

anyway...

i decided i am going to plan a trip to vegas for my ladies.

i miss being with my friends... and it is well known that spanish people have more fun!! :D
so...

i'm thinking first week in september, just before school starts, get away to vegas for 3-4 nights?

i think it would be great.

party time like in the good old days! :D
it would do wonders for my sanity.
of course i would love to see you all.
so let me know if you're in and i'll get on it!
ya sabeis: patricia, tania, patricia a, lara, irene, lorena, natalia, las misiego, las iglesias...
quien mas esta por ahi q se me olvida?

Swimming!!!

2011-03-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

finally we did something out of the ordinary for spring break.

we went swimming with tracy and francia and the girls.

we had so much fun.

after we went to tracy's where we made pizzas.i had prepared 4 and they all dissappeared in a matter of minutes.

such a hit.

then the girls had a "nail coloring party"

it was so cute to watch.

then i enjoyed taking pictures of isabel.

so beautiful!!!!!

she was pretty upset she wasn't the star of the photo shoot anymore.

it is hard to share the spotlight, apparently :P

evan is a top model too.

so cute!

so there... my kids looking great lately :D

manning park

2011-03-29T20:21:00.000-07:00

i had an amazing weekend!

getting ready for it i felt a bit apprehensive about being there with all those young kids ( 21-25 year old's are the young kids i'm talking about??? how have things changed so much for me?).

last time i attended a formal i felt so out of place that i was afraid it will be more of the same.

but no.

it was so fun!

on the bus there (we left at 10am) people started drinking already!

gross!

we got there had lunch had a little nap and went tubing.

my first time.

there were some girls that were wearing flats and jeans... these canadians are crazy!

thank goodness i borrowed some snow pants and boots because i wouldn't have lasted a minute after getting soaked in the snow.

it was super fun. i hadn't laughed so hard in a while!

we took some videos of ourselves going down the tracks... and they make me laugh all over again.

the cabin was so nice too.

they had a swimming pool, sauna and hot tub, but even though we brought our swimming suits we didn't go.

i mean... i imagined that to be like the bachelor pad... and i wasn't going there!

we loved it so much we want to go again with the whole clan.

that happens all the time.

we find something fun and we want to do it with our kids.

they would love it!

the dinner was super nice.

i loved the food.

after that, we had the whole cabin to ourselves because everyone gathered in a chalet to drink and party.

they had given us the "parent room"... well, i think we'd earned it :D so we enjoyed some privacy, anyway.

until our roommates came at around 3'30 all drunk and with the intention to continue the party, so evan had to get out and kick everyone out and send them to bed.

they all respect evan and look up to him.

i really enjoy all the guys from the fraternity. they are good kids. and they all made a point of helping me feel comfortable there, chatted with me, made me feel a part of the group... they were great. and to my surprise many complimented my look (again you can be attractive and modest at the same time).i mean... i am sure someone must have been wondering why i had an undershirt and leggings underneath my dress.

i was the odd one that wasn't showing any skin.

but i feel good about it.

one can still rock it without looking like a stripper!! :D

anyway, all went way too fast.

of course the kids didn't want to come back home.

and tracy said they were really good.

which makes me really happy.

i missed them...

but there is no price to coming home to silence.

we were reminded very quickly what it is like to have three kidlets around!!

you gotta love that!

The Great Escape

2011-03-25T09:48:00.000-07:00

i'm leaving!!!

this weekend i'll be in a little cozy cabin in manning park.

some mountain activities and a fancy dinner... and two nights by ourselves!!!

( i hope isabel wil be good for auntie tracy!)

i'm so excited!

music

2011-03-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

my babe is good.

he's done another of his songs.

here is the link so you can hear some.

and you can buy his album here

and here

my favorite is...

2011-03-22T00:21:00.000-07:00

my kids were telling each other what their favorite movies were. carmen said "duma" and "g-force" ( we had just seen that one, but duma... it has been a while, so it was a bit impressive).

carmen fascinates me.

she is amazing to me.

today we had just finished watching brother bear 2.

there is a part where little koda misses his late mother, and the girl tells him" when you love somebody they will be forever in your heart" and carmen says: just like great grandma B!

so i asked her how that was like grandma B. she told me she died, but she will always be on our hearts.

she hardly spent any time with her on earth, but i know their relationship was larger than that time spent here.

she loves her.

even before she met her.

and she loves her still.

she is just an amazing kid.

she is more than her 6 years old.

her spirit is so much more.

our spirits are so much more than our bodies, than our age.

and my 6 year old daughter reminds me of this everyday.

have i told you?

2011-03-18T20:19:00.000-07:00

i need to go shopping for bras.

i hate bras...

a little less than shopping for them, but i hate them.

yes, i don't care if they die.

i want to be bra free.

anyway.... i saw this

http://www.brastick.com/index.php?country=CA&a=001&b=stick

i wonder if i will like it.

i might try it.

carmen....artist and environmentalist

2011-03-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

she likes nature, she likes to sing.... she makes up a song about taking care of our land.

when she said she wanted to sing for me, i immediately grabbed the camera and pushed record!

this is going into history, i thought :P

so, enjoy, and celebrate earth day next saturday!!!

let's join our forces!

and not let anything come and stop you :D

one month

2011-03-13T20:36:00.000-07:00

i have missed 4 weeks of church.

but i made it today.

finally everyone is feeling good and we could go.

i had forgotten how hard it is to keep my kids quiet.

especially when i am on my own.

evan is free next week, so he'll come to church with us. yeah!

i finally payed tithing. i really dislike having the tithing home for all this long time.

i got my papers signed by the bishop so i can finally get my legal documents by the name of Esther Jabonero Clarke. I'm so excited.

i also got the chance to chat with him a little.

i really like him.

that calling of a bishop is amazing.

it is very clear to me that bishops have the support of angels.

evan got a talk in sacrament in a few weeks.

i had a lesson in rs a few weeks ago and church was cancelled because of snow.

this coming wednesday we have the celebration for the rs 169 anniversary.

i am really excited.

i love all the activities we have with the sisters.

and this week i need to set an appointment to get my other wisdom teeth out.

how exciting :/

somethings...they just take some time

2011-03-09T18:05:00.001-08:00

so i have a confession to make.

i just cleaned the inside of the car since we got back from our Christmas holidays.

i know.

that's embarrasing.

i should be ashamed of myself.

but that's another thing that it is hard to do when you have kids.

but... i did it and now it is clean.

so super clean.

because i even got the car seat covers out, and the blanket that i put underneath the seats to get all the crumbs and things that fall off the seats, and the floor things... all that i washed.

so now my car is clean :D

i took evan jr to get his "silver teeth" as they call them now.

he was excited, he said.

but poor thing, he didn't handle the pain and the coming out of the anesthesia too well.

i could hear him crying from the waiting area, but they wouldn't let me in just then. i had to turn around and not let them see my tears.

this experience is very traumatic for a mother, let me tell ya.

i didn't want my kids to see my crying either,

but as hard as i tried to hide it in my voice, i couldn't hold back the tears.

he was really excited to get his surprise, so much he didn't go to sleep in the car but rather played with his new toys.

he is so good.

his teeth do hurt though.

but he is doing just fine.

what a good boy.

let's hope i don;t have to visit the dentist for a while now :D

lo q dicen los ninyos

2011-03-07T18:49:00.000-08:00

estamos intentando tener solo dos horas de tele/ordenador en casa estos dias.

pero hoy evan (no es solo hoy, y es siempre evan) intento hacerse con un rato mas, pero voy yo y le apago la tele. le digo: "ya no mas tele, que tienes los ojos cuadrados como la tele".

a lo q me responde: " me voy a ver en el espejo".

me meo.

pobrecillo.

pero asi con la tonteria, se le olvido que no habia mas tele. porq siempre me la monta.

a lo mejor se cree que de verdad se te ponen los ojos com la tele de tanto verla! :P

me encantan los ninyos

too much is too much

2011-03-07T11:22:00.000-08:00

i'm sick.

again.

it looks like i'm always sick.

and it sucks.

i was thinking about the time when i've felt the most healthier and it was when i was taking herbalife.

so i've started to take it again.

see what happens.

i need all that energy back.

and all my health back.

isabel is sick too.

she's always sick.... and i know her diet is not really good, so that might be the answer.

she is the one that gives me most problems when it is time to eat.

i wish she was like carmen. she eats everything!

and evan...i think he is a vegeterain... never puts meat in his mouth. good for him! i am happy when he eats fish though. he seems to love it.

but isabel....man. that girl just wants cheese, yoghurt and sugary stuff. of course.

not good.

and she's always snacking so she'll never eat much at the table.

anyway... i am a really bad mom... i let this 2 year old take control of what she eats

stress gets me down too.

and i am super stressed right now with all the dentist stuff going on.

thankgoodness i'm healing well from the wisdom teeth, carmen is doing amazing ( but let me tell you...that was a traumatic experience for me. to see your child close her eyes and leave her there, with a mask on, on an OR....scary) and evan goes this week. and i will have to go again for the remaining wisdom teeth... not a fun time.

in addition to my stress level, the police pulled me over, claiming he saw me talking on my cell phone...which i am totally disputing, but i got so upset by it.

i never talk on the phone while driving!

i had carmen on the back, 1 hours after her procedure, just barely coming out of her anesthesia and i was driving so carefully so she wouldn't be sick....

anyway... i guess i'll see him in court.

loser!

ok... it sucks to be me right now.... hopefully it will get better soon :D

before... and after

2011-03-02T17:41:00.000-08:00

so i never got my wisdom out when i was younger.

i've been suffering for over a year now.

always too poor to deal with it.

i call UBC... the will charge me $25 per tooth... heck, appointment booked.

i've been wanting to go to montana's since forever and evan surprised me yesterday with a date. before the pain and inability to eat.

so we did...

best wings, and best deep fried cheesecake!!

a must!

if you haven't had any, you haven't lived!

sooo delicious!

why didn't i think about it?? duhhh!!! wrap a cheesecake in pastry and deep fry it!!

so good!

anyway.

i just got back from the procedure.

mmm...

painful!!

bloody!!!

disgusting!!!

and now i got a bruised, swollen cheek, and some little blood blisters on my lip.

and a huge headache!

not fun!

so... apparently i can't eat anything... not that i want to put anything on my mouth right now... but it sucks! good thing i had my cravings covered last night! :P

another downer is that they only took out my top left one. the bottom ones are too difficult for a student so i will have to spend the big bucks on a professional surgeon...boooo!!

so there's a lot more of this in the future...

great!

just great! :(

what does it feel like?

2011-02-28T16:26:00.000-08:00

evan didn't have work during the weekend.... HALLELUJAH!

friday night we had company for dinner.

he was one of evan's childhood friends that now lives in edmonton. well, he and his wife came over for dinner.

they were so nice, and it was fun to have some adult conversation :D

i will say one thing... i rather have three kids while going to school than to be $40.000 in debt and have no kids till school is over ( and more in debt). Just saying.

on saturday... what better to do than going to the temple.

first thing we find: our friends who just adopted a baby and were getting him sealed to them....

so special!!

then our session, which was extra special because i had my hubby beside me.

the hand's ( he was our bishop in nanaimo) were there too. they left really fast, and i said to evan that i wished i could talk to them for a bit. after a few minutes sis. hand came back and invited us to attend bro. hand's sealing to his parents.... i was soooo excited!!

it was beautiful!!

so beautiful!!

i got to help as a daughter sealed to parents first. then he sealed his parents and then he was sealed to them.

what a glorious moment to behold!

this man, this grown man, overwhelmed with the emotion to be finally part of an eternal family!

to have his parents back. that relationship he had with them on earth extended to the eternities.... death not being able to keep them apart.

simply amazing!

an experience, a testimony that will stay with me forever.

i am so happy i was there to witness that.

i love the temple.

should i, could i?

2011-02-24T10:02:00.000-08:00

dreams...

sometimes i dream really weird things.

sometimes i feel like i am living a dream.

sometimes i feel like i've given up all my dreams.

dreams.

thoughts of a different kind of life... of what could have been.

i have this picture of me.

at the piano, singing.

i never thought i was any good.... any better than anyone out there.

i just like to sing.

it transforms me.

i like to do it for me.

i've been singing more lately... and i wish i could have gone for it.

now i find i am losing my talent. all this time it has been buried.... for so long... too long maybe.

should i keep dreaming?

Grrrrrrrr....

2011-02-21T18:31:00.000-08:00

i'm sick... i'm tired of being sick.

if it is not one of my kids is the other...till it gets to me.

so it always seems to be one sicko in the house.

isabel is the one that worries me the most after her seizure i freak out every time she gets a temperature....and that cough! it is alarming but the doctors keep telling me that her lungs are fine.

so whatever.

i was thinking the other day, about challenges.

and we might think we are in the middle of something big, hard, difficult, exhausting.... but we are not alone. everyone is going thru something, and it might be as big, hard, difficult and exhasuting as your won trouble if not bigger, harder, more difficult and exhausting.

i thought about how there is always something good in the middle of "all bad".

like... love.

the miracle of love.

my amazing friend sara found her special one.

he popped the question and she said yes!

so i am super happy!

after all the excitement of the great news... i realized the fact that i will miss it. i will miss this amazing time with her....and then i kinda ruined the moment by being all sad about not being able to be there with her in this special time.....

i cried.

oh how i wished i could be there for her.

that's the hardest thing about being away form my loved ones... i miss all the moments when you really need a friend beside you. to celebrate, to comfort...

that's when i wish i had money.

but how exciting!

a new family is created.

two people aiming for eterninty.

it is amazing to me.

amazing.

Today

2011-02-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

Evan is on a date with Carmen.

I stayed home and made cookies with the kids.

We have a new rule at home: No computer or tv over 2 hours a day.

I played scrabble with Carmen. It was super fun.

We got Evan Jr's passport on the mail today ( that was fast!)

I got my Valentine's present on the mail too. Super cute shoes from ALDO online. ( that's the way to shop for me. I can't take the kiddos to look around and try on different ones.... so online it is!)

I showered and curled my hair for the first time with the flat iron. I like it.

I made the appointment with the oral surgeon to decide what to do about my wisdom teeth :S

Had family scripture reading without daddy ( he was at the dentist.... he's got NO cavities...didn't think he would. He takes care of his teeth like they were gold)

Finished three loads of laundry and actually put the clothes away.

I returned the books to the library.

Had fajitas for dinner.

Some days I don't accomplish much.... today I am satisfied.

More than satisfied... exhausted.

I feel I've been on my feet forever. My legs hurt.

I'll put my feet up now.

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh.

My lover

2011-02-15T08:27:00.000-08:00

I'm so lucky.

I have a lover.

He's more handsome than I ever hoped for a lover for me.

We were going to celebrate our lover's week going to Mexico ( a real honeymoon) but we have three kids... and we can't leave our baby for 7 nights, so it will have to wait.

He's been my lover for the last 7 years.... and I've loved every minute!

But here's a list of my favorite moments by your side, my love:

1 Being picked up at the airport for the first time. Best welcome to Canada ever!! And best kiss in history!

2 Our first kiss ( no, it was not on our mission!) It was on your first day in Spain, in my room... and FYI you didn't have to hold my face, I wasn't going to shut you down ;P

3 Arm wrestle at the Kendalls. Our fist time holding hands ( totally missionary approved and... didn't I win?? ;P)

4 Giving birth to your kids. I cannot forget your face looking at your kids for the first time... and what's up with only crying when you got the boy?? :D)

5 Listening to "Get in" in my flat in Leeds. I knew inmediately it was for me... I felt totally robbbed of the special moment having to share it with Sis. Bobinger :S

6 Going to the PNE ( yeah for a whole day to ourselves!) after our longest time apart summer 2009. Thanks for not being embarrased by your screaming wife!

7 FHE at Bev's in Leeds: "You guys should date!" hahahaha... I was NOT the only one who found you hilarious, right?... You still make me laugh :D

8 Your serenades at the house boat... I love to hear you sing to me :D

9 Going to your shows. You: "That's my wife"... You're right ladies... that hottie is going to bed with ME!! :D

10 Our wedding... Ok, soooooo not well planned for, kinda unprepared... but the best day of my life!!

Ps: I still want to marry you again (...renewing vows? ;P)

HAPPY VALENTINE"S DAY!

Fridays Suck

2011-02-04T23:41:00.000-08:00

i am going to complaint...

it is friday again and my hubby is gone.

we were having such a good morning when he gets the phone call from some sargent or something to present himself at the base ASAP.

so i wasn't ready to give him up that suddenly.

but i had no choice.

so he's gone and i miss him.

isabel and carmen are not feeling well, so i didn't want to leave the house, but i went to get evan jr's passport in the morning ( i got a parking ticket :S) and i got my pictures for my canadian citizenship.

i don't know why i've waited this long to become a canadian because i can't wait!

i am so excited.

i love canada.

i love this country.

i love to live here.

i love its people.

it's been so good to me.

i love that i can keep my spanish citizenship.

what i don't love is all the paperwork and the length of the process. it'll take me almost 2 years.

i guess it will be here before i know it :D

because the kiddos are sick i won;t be going to the temple tomorrow :(

and probably won't be making it to church on sunday.

nobody wants a snotty child around other kids.

what a weekend!

Evan's Favorite Dish

2011-02-03T18:41:00.000-08:00

it is not news for anybody that i love to watch cooking shows.

i once learned this recipe somewhere and since i tried it years ago is evan's MOST favorite.

i love it too.

chicken dipped in eggs, dijon mustard and milk and then coated in bread crumbs and parmesan cheese and spices, banana salsa ( some good cilantro, brown sugar, lime juice and green pepper) and rice.

You try it and let me know if you'll get addicted like my hubby :D

Our Isabel

2011-02-03T18:27:00.000-08:00

bless her, she is not feeling well now...

she is always sick, it seems.

but a few pictures of more happier days... last week, at jordan and tracy's.

she is so cute with those bangs (never mind my bad cutting job) and the pony tails.

Dental Work

2011-02-03T18:14:00.000-08:00

bad news...

evan jr has 10 cavities, so does carmen.

they are going to be put under general anesthesics on march 9th.

so remember them in your prayers.

i have 5 cavities myself.... and i need to get my wisdom teeth removed :S

not excited about that.

and not excited about paying all that money.

not having insurance sucks!!

the 3rd decade

2011-01-30T21:14:00.000-08:00

i'm 30.

if it supposed to feel any different, it hasn't hit me yet.

i like to be 30.

i feel i am a lady. like you could take me seriously now :D

last night was the first saturday evan didn't have to work since christmas, so i went out with the girls!

i was so excited. i had a good plan... but it was even better than i had anticipated.

we went to dinner to earl's.

(they have my favorite: grilled prawn tacos)

we missed a bunch of girls, but these are those who came

(from the left front to back)

Norma ( the rs president in my ward), charo ( the wife of the 1st counselor in the bishopric)

cristina (from mexico) carolina (from colombia) tarina (she's carmen's friend's mother), ivonne (from the spanish pre-school group) and me.

my friends were such good sport, they belted out the happy b-day song for me.

i did make a wish :D

and the chocolate sticky something piece of heaven... was just that.... a piece of heaven ;D

then the fun part...

a class of polynesian dance!

it was super fun, super fun.... like i want to do it again!

beautiful blanche, the instructor

it was great.

i am so happy i did this.

we all had so much fun.

it had been a while since i laughed like that.

so next year... i gotta start thinking about it!

Fine Dining at Grouse Mountain

2011-01-18T18:54:00.000-08:00

we had talked about waiting for spring break to do something special for our anniversary so i wasn't expecting to go out.

but my dear hubby surprised me with reservations at "the observatory", a super nice place on the top of grouse mountain.

the kids were at jordan and tracy's for a sleep over so we had all evening for ourselves.

it was dark when we got there so the air lift to the top was scary for me.

but the view of vancouver with the lights was amazing.

i love living here.

the restaurant was so fancy.

we didn't look bad ourselves ;p

and the food...

oooh, the food.

i forgot to take a picture of the appetizzers: sea scallops with an octopus carpaccio,

and venison carpaccio.

our entrees:

elk for evan

mine:

organic filet mignon (L) with bison rib (R)

we were so full we didn't get dessert, but they gave us these :D

after dinner i got to go see him play with his fraternity hockey team.

i love to watch him play.

i am probably his biggest fan, but he's the best one on the ice :P

happy anniversary to us, my love.

it is always great to be in your company... you make me feel like the most beautiful woman on earth. you see the best in me and bring out the best in me.

i love you, forever.

Celebrate, celebrate!

2011-01-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

it is a day to celebrate.

7 years.

the best 7 years of my life.

7 years ago i married the man of my dreams.

7 years ago my first child was conceived.

7 years later it couldn't be better.

i love him more and more each day.

we have the most beautiful children inside and out.

i feel the luckiest woman on earth.

i wouldn't say these 7 years have been a bliss.

but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

and we're definetely stronger.

stronger in our love for each other,

stronger in the commitment to each other,

stronger in our determination to be the best for each other.

i love the person he's helped me to become,

i love the dreams he's helping me to achieve...

and i love that life feels amazing by his side.

to us, my love!

happy anniversary!

7 down , eternity to go :D

fiesta

2011-01-14T14:12:00.000-08:00

they had a party for all the kids in nursery, as a celebration for their b-days.

and there we were.

the whole clan.

And if you wonder.... no isabel didn't cut her hair... i did :S

2011-01-14T13:48:00.000-08:00

we had so much fun playing games.

zarahemla: i won for the first time in my life!

and this one is good: pick a cereal box from the floor with your mouth without touching the floor.

after every round you make it shorter and shorter until all is left is a piece of cardboard.

it was garreth and who made it.

i didn't think i had it in me ;D

so our visit with the leonard's was a blast.

now we just wish we lived closer.

we already miss them.

we headed out to logan.

we got there at 1am.

tha's the time we get places, ok?

slaovica made amazing waffles for b-fast and her signature spaguetti for dinner.

we went to walk around the logan temple.

so beautiful.... i even enjoyed the walk despite the freezing cold!

that night i went to visit irene.

ssooooooo exciting to see her.

it was a short visit, but i am glad i did it.

i couldn;t be 2 hours away and not see her.

i was so happy to meet diego, and so was carmen and isabel ( evan stayed with the guys)

it was great to see amaya, though short :( and isabel, of course!

i love that family!

the following morning we had french toasts.... i told you! at least 200 extra pounds! :D

we said our good byes and headed to idaho.

snow, snow,and more snow!

all the way there i thought about the pioneers.

can you believe someone would go through terrible winters, carrying their dead babies and keep going?

can you believe there are people with such faith?

it's amazing to me.

pocatello is the coldest place i've ever been to.

it was so exciting to see tania... the anticipation was killing me, couldn't hold the tears.

it is too bad we couldn't stay longer.

it was so nice to be with her.

we visited eric's grandparents. grandma candy... candy is what you get when you go see her.

she is such a sweet heart.

we put the kids to bed and we played some good old tabu.

it was fun.

the next day.... on the road.

evan drove all the time like a champ.

my back killed me for a week.

it seems that we've recovered now.

everything back to normal.

glad to be home :D

but can't wait to go down for a visit again :D